One of my best friends turned 21 today :)

She's one of the people in my life that I'll never have to worry about judging me.
Although we can't always be there for each other because of distance, our relationship has been based upon chemistry, understanding, & respect. Of course love too but that is a given. Hanging out with her after a year and a half has passed --- feels just the same as our years in high school. I really think if we lived in the same area my life would be better, but just being able to see her & talk to her makes life better.
I was feeling anxious for the past few days because I had a bad feeling about this year. But after spending time with her I've realized that as long as I have good people in my life I really shouldn't be worried about feeling alone. Or misunderstood. I'm thankful for her in my life. She's a strong person & I hope she knows she inspires me.

Time to grow:
I've come to just accept that as long as my parents are still providing for me I should respect what they want from me. So, for the next 3-4 years I'm trying to promise myself to do what makes them happy, because they deserve it. They don't deserve the bullshit I've been giving for the past 2 years. I'm definitely not ready to cut ties and try living on my own. I have way more humility than that; to know I can't survive right now without them. That I'm blessed to even have them supporting me & the least I should do is follow their expectations without complaint. It was embarrassing to know that my aunt&uncle always complained about me. I could own up to that because I know I acted careless. I can own up to my flaws & faults but I hope I can change. So, I'm going to grow up & suck it up. Rules...& actually follow them. 2009 time for more growth.

I know I don't have faith to make mountains fall right now...but at least I have & know love to make me something at all. So maybe I'll get somewhere.