what counts

We finished Hotel Rwanda today in sociology. I really wanted to cry at some parts. So moving.
I realized how blessed and spoiled my life is compared...it humbles you out, really. I mean, here I am worrying over my stupid grades, my stupid selfish motives and how much I think my life sucks...when there are people in the world just worrying about surviving, escaping death, finding means of food, and/or looking for family. It does suck that such unfortunate situations exist and it makes you wish that they didn't have to suffer like that. Makes you wish you could make a difference...but I've come to realize that I don't think there will be a day when there will be total peace on earth. There will always be people suffering somewhere. But maybe it is the effort that counts. When I was younger I used to really believe that I would be a doctor, travel, & help all the poor people in the world. That I could be like that. Then on top of helping people I would open up an orphanage somewhere in my parents' hometowns in the Philippines and put all the homeless kids in it and find a way to take care of them. In this dream of mine I'm not married either. I never thought about marrying someone until later in high school when I realized how this dream of mine is far out of reach and lacks tangibility. Not to sound hopeless, just thinking on the real.
Now I'm just struggling to be a nurse.
Not even, still struggling just to get into the program.

On that note I hate that my decision in pursuing a career in nursing has consequently put me in the "filipina nursing" stereotype. I kinda hate the degrading tones when I tell people my major.
"So what's your major?" anybody who asks asks with genuine intent.
"Oh, yeah I'm a pre-nursing major at Sjsu."
"Oh really? Yeah the filipino thing huh? Well at least there's good money in that"
ugh.
Okay this usually kind of offends me. First they're almost implying I lack originality. As if I don't have a mind of my own ,have no direction in life and only chose to do nursing because I can't find anything else I want to do. & Let's not forget "theres good money."
Seriously?
What about the option that I want to help people? The money is a bonus yeah, especially if I plan on living here in California. But I do like helping people even if they occasionally get on my nerves. I miss volunteering.
My most memorable moment was senior year when we went to feed the homeless in Tokyo. That was extremely rewarding. No other feeling could have made me feel better. Even if I couldn't save them from the streets, making a difference, even if it was a meal, it really did make me feel good. Seeing they're satisfaction was my source of gratification.

Living in America is almost a privilege. We do have a lot here that we seem to take for granted. It's a shame that there are people who are just trying to get by in other parts of the world, and here we are wanting big shot things that we really don't need. I am being hypocritical because I do have shallow wants and submiss to them time to time...I'm just saying. I do feel bad when I think about it, but we also live in a total complete environment. It's just thinking about these things I've realized, centers me in a way. Keeps me in check. It's natural for people to want more than what they have, but right now I've realized I should just be thankful.
I did have an offbeat day, but after writing this makes me realize that I shouldn't be so upset about little things.
I hope someday I make a difference, even if its just a little.