maybe

Maybe I really am just never enough.
Sometimes I think I made this just too easy for him. I did, I really did huh.
Story of my life.
I let something go b/c I couldn't handle the glare. I couldn't take the pain.
I didn't take a chance when I there was a good catch b/c I wasn't ready. & I was too scared.
Then there was what I thought was a nice guy but I was so wrong. So idiotically and ridiculously wrong.
Then I have someone fresh. Someone that just so happend to have what I was looking for. The kind of stories that become too good to be true so I seize the chance.
& Here I am. Just swimming.
I'm happy, but I'm back to cautious. I've got one wall back up.
I think you can love with a wall. I can't be head over heels, that takes time. Honestly, I know it was a fast one. But I'm trying to slow down. I'm trying to pace. I like pace.
I depend but not so much as how I still depend on myself. I don't know how long it will take me to let myself fully depend and give everything.
I like comfortable, stable, safe. I like being in a relationship where I can just be. Where impressing is no longer a fraction because if it was right, we'd be effortlessly impressing.
I'm just hormonal and being a stupid girl.
There's a lot of things I don't understand right now.
Like I don't understand why I feel so heartbroken.
I'm going to clean now.