frayed

seriously?
in the bliss of it all, the frustrations that accompany relationships has faltered me.
until now.
but i'm the kind that sticks it out.
so, anyway.
I'm losing my voice! I hate when this happens. It sucks...
I've realized that I have yet to review the plans that both mccain and obama have laid out, but i know i'm going to vote obama anyway...but i feel i should do some research so it doesn't seem i'm on the liberal state bandwagon.

so i checked our a yokosuka album from high school...so much has changed. looking at the pictures made me want to go back for a little. to bum it out at the nex, jhoji's room and after 3 hours still not decided where to kick it, the dunking court and watching the guys be gay...well that's anywhere but still. team america in paolo's room. sleepovers with the girls. msn conversations. . .i want to slap the girl i used to be for ever thinking that college life would be more fun and easy than high school. college has its fun moments & i've met great friends, but the work load definitely accounts for much more. you fuck up a midterm you only have another midterm and a final to pull that shit up; at least in some classes. you can count on extra credit in all your classes or have homework to save you from the boarder line. but maybe it is different for everyone. maybe?

& is it me or do the simple things not matter anymore? or has depending on little, simple everyday things been played out? or maybe it is just me. i try not to have high expectations anymore, because the logic of it is if you don't have high expectations you can never be disappointed. i can't help but still be expectant. i can't keeping living expecting to get what i want, because it never plays out that way. i envy consistency.

you know what i find annoying? when i can't find the right songs to listen to. i hate not knowing and being indecisive. i swear that is my ultimate downfall -> indecisiveness. i want to know what i want, but most times i don't. i don't thoroughly trust my judgements because in someways they've lead me to one heartbreak or some form of disappointment after another. i seem to just never learn.

right now is one of those moments where i wish i was outside with a cigg, and drinking a iced soy chai with good company. that, or on the phone. i'm frayed.