Halloween?

I get irritated sometimes in my Japanese class. There's this guy who never tries. He hardly pays attention & I just want to tell him to get out of there. He doesn't bother doing the assignments or try to learn and understand...uhmm...if you're going to take a language class you can't do nothing & expect to learn it. Its already a little more than half the semester...I was sitting there pretty agitated.
Ignorance is bliss for certain occasions, other times it is down right annoying.
I don't know maybe I was just having a bad trip this time.

Just got back from watching Pride & Glory with the bfriend. It was a good story but I wasn't partial to the ending.
For lack of better diction, it kinda blowed.
But good company & that's more than what I can ask for.
It didn't really feel like halloween today. I was just a spectator to the celebrators. I haven't been the spectator for this holiday in a while, I can't remember the last time I didn't do anything for halloween...since sophomore year tennis far east...i think we watched mystic river as a team...no we didn't. We watched Wrong Turn or something...the cannibal movie.

I need to start looking for tickets to Japan. We're not going to be funded by the government this trip back so my parents have to pay.
On top of them potentially getting us an apartment.
On top of them possibly getting us macbooks...
Ugh. I don't want a macbook anymore thinking about it. I feel terrible.
I honestly now understand the term "military brat." At least I think I do. If the intended definition of a military brat embodies the idea of being spoiled...
I never liked to be regarded as spoiled because I want to know that I've somehow earned what I have. That I have a right to have I have.
But not living within the confinements and regulations of a military base has really opened my eyes.
Living on an American base back in Japan is only a miniscule fraction of what life in the states is like.
I don't know if it's the environment or if it was the childhood-adolescence or even the combination of both, that compared to being a young adult in America, was a lot easier.
Or maybe it was my upbringing.
I never had to work to survive. Still don't. My parents do pay for pretty much everything, aside from my personal goods/gas/food. But they pay for car/insurance/books.
I don't even have to work. I could quit if I wanted to. Well, everyone's telling me to quit since I don't appear to handle the pressure. & It's true, I'm handling it but in the bitchyass way possible.
One of my flaws is I tend to complain...even when it is my fault. It's idiotic really.
My best friend told me if this is what I want, I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't show that I'm struggling.
18 credits & 12-16 hours tops of work a week=nothing to a lot of people.
Why do I always find myself measuring to other people's standards?
I measure myself under my parents, relatives, of course friends & yes, occassionally the sig.other. It's a natural thing.
Why can't I make myself see that other peoples opinions shouldn't matter to what I want for myself.
I put other peoples expectations for me above from what I expect from myself. I think maybe that could be why I always feel inadequate. I can't remember the last time I felt good to be who I am on my own terms. I mold myself to different influences. Unless my parents/relatives/friends said something good. But even then I tend to want to deny any form of compliments because I have a problem believing it.
I envy those who have strong & bold personalities. The kind that go after what they want. Aren't passive agressive. Who don't let shit slide if they are displeased. Who are never the door mat. I wish I had a little of what they have.
Whatever strength I have inside of me, is buried deep & only surfaces under deep pain or anger. "Beast mode," as my best friend says.
Anyway, I'm going to eat a kit kat in celebration for halloween haha.
jyaa ne.

Another Thursday Night

This is awesome: Izzy & Alex are legit.
I know I may come off like a socially detached person to be so involved with the characters of my favoritest show Grey's Anatomy, but I can't help it. I'm sorry. It's way moving than all the romantic comedies combined.
I guess that's how relative I feel to it.
I'm a sucker for sensitivity. Really.
But now I'm in a conflict.
Naturally, I am a very caring person. But being that girl got me into so much heartache I can't go back.
So I forced her to grow. I forced her to develop walls, to develop boundaries. It's hard to let her fall.
Watch herself.
Sometimes I really do wish I could just let go of all inhibitions. But I'm not trying to be that crazy. Although I guess I already have...But really, I just want to feel safe. & sometimes, it's just hard. I don't know if I'll ever be the same. I'm scared to be that vulnerable again.
At the same time, the one person who could hurt me the most...can't.
So I'm not in the position to be ultimately screwed.

I can't wait to finish school. Really.
Halloween's tomorrow...reminds me of last year. Last year Halloween was great, at least for me.
I had fun. It was chill. Favorite company.
How time really does change things.
Somethings I wish never changed.
But that's the beauty of life right, change?
I miss kicking back & watching movies almost all night long. I'm really a homebody, I can't help it.
I'm good at hanging out by myself too. Lame right. But I miss company. But we all got our own to take care of these days.
Like bills.
Ugh.
My room never stays clean for more than two days either so I should get on that.
I also miss falling asleep on the phone & waking up the next morning to missed calls.
Stupid phone.

what counts

We finished Hotel Rwanda today in sociology. I really wanted to cry at some parts. So moving.
I realized how blessed and spoiled my life is compared...it humbles you out, really. I mean, here I am worrying over my stupid grades, my stupid selfish motives and how much I think my life sucks...when there are people in the world just worrying about surviving, escaping death, finding means of food, and/or looking for family. It does suck that such unfortunate situations exist and it makes you wish that they didn't have to suffer like that. Makes you wish you could make a difference...but I've come to realize that I don't think there will be a day when there will be total peace on earth. There will always be people suffering somewhere. But maybe it is the effort that counts. When I was younger I used to really believe that I would be a doctor, travel, & help all the poor people in the world. That I could be like that. Then on top of helping people I would open up an orphanage somewhere in my parents' hometowns in the Philippines and put all the homeless kids in it and find a way to take care of them. In this dream of mine I'm not married either. I never thought about marrying someone until later in high school when I realized how this dream of mine is far out of reach and lacks tangibility. Not to sound hopeless, just thinking on the real.
Now I'm just struggling to be a nurse.
Not even, still struggling just to get into the program.

On that note I hate that my decision in pursuing a career in nursing has consequently put me in the "filipina nursing" stereotype. I kinda hate the degrading tones when I tell people my major.
"So what's your major?" anybody who asks asks with genuine intent.
"Oh, yeah I'm a pre-nursing major at Sjsu."
"Oh really? Yeah the filipino thing huh? Well at least there's good money in that"
ugh.
Okay this usually kind of offends me. First they're almost implying I lack originality. As if I don't have a mind of my own ,have no direction in life and only chose to do nursing because I can't find anything else I want to do. & Let's not forget "theres good money."
Seriously?
What about the option that I want to help people? The money is a bonus yeah, especially if I plan on living here in California. But I do like helping people even if they occasionally get on my nerves. I miss volunteering.
My most memorable moment was senior year when we went to feed the homeless in Tokyo. That was extremely rewarding. No other feeling could have made me feel better. Even if I couldn't save them from the streets, making a difference, even if it was a meal, it really did make me feel good. Seeing they're satisfaction was my source of gratification.

Living in America is almost a privilege. We do have a lot here that we seem to take for granted. It's a shame that there are people who are just trying to get by in other parts of the world, and here we are wanting big shot things that we really don't need. I am being hypocritical because I do have shallow wants and submiss to them time to time...I'm just saying. I do feel bad when I think about it, but we also live in a total complete environment. It's just thinking about these things I've realized, centers me in a way. Keeps me in check. It's natural for people to want more than what they have, but right now I've realized I should just be thankful.
I did have an offbeat day, but after writing this makes me realize that I shouldn't be so upset about little things.
I hope someday I make a difference, even if its just a little.

wake up

ugh. i never feel like i get enough sleep.
last semester i was able to work out almost everyday & be fine.
i'll be happy now if i get to work out like 3 times a week...
i don't like this at all.

Foolish.

I need inspiration to write about sometime else, because writing about this dumb pathetic heart of mine does get old.
For the record, straight up, I've come to realize I really do wear my heart on my sleeve.
Duh lexi.
I realize I do tend to get needy. I honestly can't say that while single there wasn't exactly a definite time where I was not "talking," or "seeing" anyone. I really should have had a more guarded self. I mean, I was in the sense that I couldn't find myself to commit, then out of the middle of nowhere...here I am...in one. & I totally made it too easy.

When you get used to patterns, you build expectations. You start to care just a little more than you should..you build expectations. You let yourself believe that this time will be different ... in the end, it's all the same.
I know it is not always "rainbows & butterflies but compromise that moves us along."

I was ringing up a couple earlier tonight & they looked so comfortable and happy. The girl was all over him but not in the nasty PDA way. She was just hugging him and she was totally beaming. He must've been at work all day or something, he was still dressed like it, and cause she was acting like she didn't see him all day. Or who knows, she just seemed so happy to be with him. It really made me think about everything.

I got a phone call from someone I used to be really close too. Turned out he just needed directions, but nonetheless it was good to hear from him. Even if things just...yeah who knows...but, I do miss the friendship. I'll always care in that sense at the least. It seems like the only time I ever hear from him now is if he needs something. I guess it's going to be like that now.

Yeah, watching Grey's earlier & a part of it got to me.
So theres Alex & Izzy. Alex always acts like a total asshole to Izzy and yet she's still always there caring for him. She finally went up to him this episode and said "I'll always care for you. Even if you act like a complete asshole I know deep down you do care about me.[then stuff I can't remmeber] and she was all up in face going "I care about you.I care about you. I care about you." & He kept telling her to get out of his room, but she kept saying it anyway and he shut up, he finally gave in & they kissed. Hah, yeah only on t.v. huh. But it was cute. Gives you hope that deep down in all the assholes out there, they actually do possess a blood pumping organ. Maybe, right?

Ultimately, I kind of feel like a fool.
I always seem to feel like I'm the only one who cares...but maybe its just the difference in design between males & females.
Or I could just be overanalyzing---that is a bad habbit.
I hope everything works out.

My Flame-Bobby Caldwell

I'm not fond of rollercoasters. They're kinda scary. But given the push, I just might.
The last time I road one was last year in so-cal. But after riding it, I felt a rush and I wanted to ride again.
But I realized you can only ride one rollercoaster so many times before it doesn't thrill you anymore.
It just makes you sick.

But today, I woke up to a suprise.
& Suprises are nice :).

impulse=fun.

after consecutive crappy days, the later part of today was a fresh breathe of air.
another fun date with flo..we went to santa cruz :)
for real talk, we always have some pretty fun dates. this was on total impulse...the best kinds right?
downtown santa cruz is very cute. light weight & more chill santana row-like.
anyway, it was fun. relaxing from the stress earlier this week...an unbeatable remedy.
so tonight i get to sleep on a dry pillow and a smile.
okay i've never fallen asleep smiling but ya get.
oyasuminasai~

...

if you can't say you love me everyday you can't love me.
not entirely.?

i'm completely comfortable in your fighter ways to make me spill what i keep
inside

i hold back from fussing with you and fuss within
myself only to have you break me and spill
all this is so unfair to have you clean up my mess
from the floor on up and have you take me to where i belong.

i want my best friend of best friends.
but i'm the only one who knows who you are.

lost

have you ever been in company but have never felt so alone?
exactly.
it kinda hurts.
especially when you have no idea what the hell is going on.
then you start to wonder if its just you, and your tired and your overanalyzing...which you kinda hope..

for our smoke lingered and tangled more than we
swirling in connection
floating to a high where i would rather be.
i'm lost in it's design--craving effortless chemistry
taking in toxins
taking in ambiguity
inhaling to exhale a means of
having you see me.

yeah its does kill me. every part of it.
i'm so lost i don't know where to start.
or maybe i'm just tired. so maybe i'll sleep it off.

nothing even matters-lauryn hill feat. d'angelo

to feel that in love that nothing even matters anymore...sounds like a fun idea.
sweet, extremely.

i really should be studying for my micro exam tomorrow! hahah.
today was fun, my brother & i had a photoshoot (our dad needs portrait pics of us..for some reason) and kevin batangan was sooo kind to do it for us. (he's a very awesome and talented photographer should anyone be looking for one) it was fun, i'm kinda horrible at posing. i put up a picture on my myspace that kinda doesn't look like me...at least not like me on the daily for damn sure. but its nice i guess. haha. i just hope people don't get the wrong impression...but why should i care what other people think? i do sometimes.

anywayyy! uhhh..i should shower and then study somemore.
this is gona be a legit all nighter..
(watch me fall asleep by 12...)
i really shouldn't.

"Now you won't find me at no store
I have no time for manicures
With you it's never either or
'Cause nothing even matters no more"

just one of dem dayys-monica

I'm so glad myspace has this song hahah. Mann..I wish I had that cd with me
but its somewhere in one of my boxes...in Japan.
Anyway, weekends are pretty routine. Work, Work, Chores, Homework. yadda.
Working at starbucks has some perks haha. One of them is being able to just watch human connection.
It sounds all corny but it's actually kinda cute. Today I saw an old couple sitting outside, drinking their coffee and talking. They seemed happy. The woman had brought her husband his coffee and she all prepared it for him. It was very sweet. Another time today this little girl was hugging her grandma for comfort...it made me miss being that little and nestling my head inbetween my moms arms and stomach. Time flies.

My brothers ipod today just happend to play Ordinary People while I was outside on my break..that song above all songs kills me but makes me feel so alive as cliche as it sounds, at the same time. Literally, the words to that song tear my heart out and reinsert it towards the end. It's crazy... That feeling where you want to cry but smile at the same time. Crazy.
K, shower and study time. Dammit.

High as a motherrr.

I have no idea what has gotten into me

...
but I love it.
I need to keep this up :)
& no, this is no drug induced high haha.
& it's no feeling that anyone gave me.
But whatever it is, it is amazing.
I'm thinking it is the ten straight hours of sleep but
I worked 7 hours today...usually I'm hella tired but not right now...
Feeling quiiiite alriiiiight :) & then some!
hahahaha
wish I could figure out what it is though.
But ignorance is bliss so I'll just enjoy it :)

i'm right here

I've never been done like that before so I'm just taken back...
I felt invisible for a split second & I'm pretty much trippin.
I give up. Whatevv.
Just be nonchalant, I'm tired of btching. haha.

Anyway, on a better note, we ate at cheesecake & it was pretty good. I'm super full. Disgustingly so.
I was craving for one after eatting. Seriously though, on a full stomach, that pretty much sets me all good.
I know it's bad. Bad habit.

Uhmm. I don't know what else to write about. I'm worn out & I don't entirely know why.
I had micro lab this morning, then went to my lolas, then back to school, anatomy lab & lecture...then chilled, then cheesecake..then home. Not out of the ordinary unusual...But after a good shower, escaping to sleepworld sounds all too enticing.

I just realized I forgot my magazines and black shirt from his car. Dammit. I hate forgetting things.
$16 at target...two magazines and a basic black longsleeve (I'm pretty predictable with colors & styles haha.). I tend to be safe about things except with the color of my room which is now getting to me...I really want to repaint it. For some reason, I feel that when I do repaint it I'll feel so much better about my life. Almost like a fresh start. But nothing to really start fresh or recover from. Oh, & I like to try new foods too. I swear I have to be the worst person ever to ask what is good food, because I eat anything so I'll say anything is good unless it really is conventionally revolting then I'll definitely know if I don't like it. Runnnnon sentence or what! It's cool. Love it.

Showerrtime.

thankful

"I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there's somebody nobody knows about."
-Alfred Hitchcock & Thornton Wilder Shadow of a Doubt.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie to that. Secrets are sacred.
I got the quote from a book I got today: the bride stripped bare. I started reading it already...it's pretty seductive with its poetic secrecy.

I'm thankful because I actually had a nice day. Definitely better than yesterday. Significantly better.
Lunch with Flo at Banana Leaf; one of my favorite girls eatting at one of my favorite places...can't go wrong :) We found some polaroids which I'm definitely going to get once we know where to get film.
Then had some anatomy...was interesting as always. Then I started reading my book which was relaxing.
Then second favorite part of the day came: the boy.
Things are pretty much feeling better, I definitely feel more better than compared to how I was feeling the past few days.
So, that's all I am for today. Thankful :).

Working out again tomorrow, I'm excited. Two days and I've been pretty on point with going back to my diet before I left for Japan. Feeling better...Much.
So thankful. Thankful and certainty is definitely a more pleasant disposition than quandrary.

melts my heart to stone.

what am I doing? What am I doing?
I'm trying not to let my emotions get the best of me and have me explode.
So I'll just write it out.
So maybe it's not a wall, just a cage. A cage is at least somehow permeable. Slip through the spaces.
So you can let a little in but not all at once.
I don't know if it is me and I'm just being a girl reading into too many little things when I shouldn't.
Where's the honey.
Where's the sweet for sour.
This weather is killing me, metaphorically.
Melt my heart to stone-adele.
Song breaks me a little. It's not that I'm the only one in love but the feeling that I'm the only one feeling...somewhow?
Cause I love but not in love. Not yet.
Why can't it just be easy? Like it is supposed to be. Loving is supposed to be easy. But I feel so tricked.
I feel mislead. I believe, but I'm scared. . .
all over again.
My thoughts are in pieces...I know someone who can put them all together but I need to start learning my own.
Cause at the end of the day the only one that can mend me, is me. Right?
This is what happens when gravity pulls me down. This is me trying to reject gravity and hopelessly losing.
Knowing that at the end of the fall, I might just split open into pieces without the break.
Just...break this fall.
Catch.
Trust is hiding and I want it to come out and stay.

maybe

Maybe I really am just never enough.
Sometimes I think I made this just too easy for him. I did, I really did huh.
Story of my life.
I let something go b/c I couldn't handle the glare. I couldn't take the pain.
I didn't take a chance when I there was a good catch b/c I wasn't ready. & I was too scared.
Then there was what I thought was a nice guy but I was so wrong. So idiotically and ridiculously wrong.
Then I have someone fresh. Someone that just so happend to have what I was looking for. The kind of stories that become too good to be true so I seize the chance.
& Here I am. Just swimming.
I'm happy, but I'm back to cautious. I've got one wall back up.
I think you can love with a wall. I can't be head over heels, that takes time. Honestly, I know it was a fast one. But I'm trying to slow down. I'm trying to pace. I like pace.
I depend but not so much as how I still depend on myself. I don't know how long it will take me to let myself fully depend and give everything.
I like comfortable, stable, safe. I like being in a relationship where I can just be. Where impressing is no longer a fraction because if it was right, we'd be effortlessly impressing.
I'm just hormonal and being a stupid girl.
There's a lot of things I don't understand right now.
Like I don't understand why I feel so heartbroken.
I'm going to clean now.

so maybe someday.

Definitely San Diego night lights.
I've seen downtown San Jose city night lights, and of course Tokyo & Yokosuka but San Diego's night lights I swear stole me like no other has before. The reds, oranges, the blurr of it all robbed me of all other distractions that even no guy has managed to accomplish effortlessly. The sun sets differently there than up north. Maybe it is the beach scene that makes a difference. Seriously though. Yokosuka night lights will always be home but I hope someday I'll be going to sleep closing my curtain to San Diego's night sky. It's a big dream of mine. Plus seeing peoples pictures from comic-con makes me jealous too. I don't mean to overlook Bay Area's scenic offers, because I know there are some nice areas here too, but after being in so-cal during spring break, I really can't help but to dream big. Hopefully someday I'll make my way down there. Yeah, maybe.

at the end of the day

"the only way to true happiness is to risk being completely cut open" -Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk.

double you tee eff.

what the heck? My blog is being mistaken for a spam blog? whaaaaat? gay.

Anyway, I feel slightly better than this morning. Slightly.
I went to some poetry & writers coalition thing at peets to kill some time before waiting for andrew to get out of class. There was just people reading poems and things they've written. They were acceptional, but nothing really stung or stuck with me. This one guy did though, only because he was somewhat depressing. Okay, not depressing but the right word eludes me right now.

One of his short pieces was about cutting off this one girl's head and sewing it as his own...just so he could see what was on her mind. Another one of his pieces was about stabbing himself and the pain feeling so good he couldn't help from smiling. Another one was called "Temper," about how long it took him to get out of a house fire only because he was busy tying up his wife...Yeah. Questionable. But I don't know, to each his own right. Maybe he had more depth than I'm imagining although scenes like that I don't find too welcoming for my mind to open the doors, walk in, sit and ponder them. I'm good, thanks.

I haven't had passionate feelings to write something good about. Most of the things in the past were pretty much the same sad story revolving around the one theme I've encountered more times than I would have liked to: heartbreak. I never write anything well about good things like being in love. Maybe I can, but I haven't. At least not that I can remember.

Sometimes I envy my mom. My dad was her first real & last boyfriend. It amazes me that they got married young (21...I consider that to be young but I guess 'back in the day' it wasn't). Comparing myself to how my mom was her age makes me feel like a slut. But incomparison to some girls these days I feel like a little girl. Funny.

I miss swimming. I want to go running but it's hard to work out when I'll be coughing every ten minutes. This cold needs to go away.

I love walking around campus at night with him. It's a nice feeling.
No sociology tomorrow! I actually look forward to going to that class because our teacher is pretty intelligent about what she teachers and she is pretty hilarious too.
Okay, enough for tonight. Going to shower & sleep.
oyasuminasai~

625am

i like to be sick mainly because it gives me a reason to stay home and take advantage of doing nothing. but i haven't been able to stay home and do nothing because yesterday i had a midterm and homework due, and today i have labs and labs are definitely not to be missed.

last night at target i submissed to sin.
mint milano cookies.
that time of month again already soon?
gayness.
quit working?
i can't decide.
what's new.
so, i should get ready for school. . .
i'll be wearing sweats & the glasses.
i want to work out but i guess if i'm trying to recover i should really just let my body rest.
okay getting ready now.

frayed

seriously?
in the bliss of it all, the frustrations that accompany relationships has faltered me.
until now.
but i'm the kind that sticks it out.
so, anyway.
I'm losing my voice! I hate when this happens. It sucks...
I've realized that I have yet to review the plans that both mccain and obama have laid out, but i know i'm going to vote obama anyway...but i feel i should do some research so it doesn't seem i'm on the liberal state bandwagon.

so i checked our a yokosuka album from high school...so much has changed. looking at the pictures made me want to go back for a little. to bum it out at the nex, jhoji's room and after 3 hours still not decided where to kick it, the dunking court and watching the guys be gay...well that's anywhere but still. team america in paolo's room. sleepovers with the girls. msn conversations. . .i want to slap the girl i used to be for ever thinking that college life would be more fun and easy than high school. college has its fun moments & i've met great friends, but the work load definitely accounts for much more. you fuck up a midterm you only have another midterm and a final to pull that shit up; at least in some classes. you can count on extra credit in all your classes or have homework to save you from the boarder line. but maybe it is different for everyone. maybe?

& is it me or do the simple things not matter anymore? or has depending on little, simple everyday things been played out? or maybe it is just me. i try not to have high expectations anymore, because the logic of it is if you don't have high expectations you can never be disappointed. i can't help but still be expectant. i can't keeping living expecting to get what i want, because it never plays out that way. i envy consistency.

you know what i find annoying? when i can't find the right songs to listen to. i hate not knowing and being indecisive. i swear that is my ultimate downfall -> indecisiveness. i want to know what i want, but most times i don't. i don't thoroughly trust my judgements because in someways they've lead me to one heartbreak or some form of disappointment after another. i seem to just never learn.

right now is one of those moments where i wish i was outside with a cigg, and drinking a iced soy chai with good company. that, or on the phone. i'm frayed.

Sitting back

If anyone could die from thought overload, I'd definitely be 6 feet under right now.
My head is pretty congested that when I unload it can incomprehensive.
I'm just thankful I know that there is one person who can make sense of my mess...although it does worry me a little that he could just walk right out of my life...
Anyway..
I'm starting to wonder what has happend to me. I'm slipping and I know it, but I'm not doing anything right now.
Just sitting back.
Currently I know I have laundry to clean, plants to water, dog to feed, room to clean!!! hella bad, junk mail to sort through, deposit money at the bank, pay some bills...fat to lose.
shit.
I use to be on top of things, or maybe is it just today?
& Do I continue working? I already tried working Fri-Sun on top of my full time at school Mon-Thurs. schedule...I have no break days if I do that. So pretty much my options are :
a) go back to working Fri-Sunday
b) just quit.
Decisions decisions decisions.
Either be crazy busy or not busy! Well I could be busy doing other things I guess...
Quitting = no money too!
Crap.
I'm wearing sweats right now...feels very comfortable. I have not worn sweats to school yet! Go me.
But I need to seriously start working out again. I hate feeling fat. I should get my shit together.
....
I think it is kinda gross that when I think of him, I feel like a little girl. It's nice.
Nice is good.
Okay, I'm going to get off my lazy ass and do work.

first one

I started reading for leisure again today. First time in a long while...Now I'm writing again.
I'm fairly inconsistent with a lot of things...Disorganized no matter how hard I try to stay organized.
My thoughts are pretty messy right now, I'm tired but I'm not sleepy because of all this useless, unnecessary shit of thoughts that are fighting sleep. I don't think that sentence made sense but...whatever.

Today in anatomy we learned of the male reproduction system. I kept falling asleep. I've been feeling sleepy at the most inconvenient times! Anyway, so we learned about testicular cancer and genital warts, blah blah blah, but our teacher told us a story of a guy who had the head of his penis removed because of warts...kinda gross. I haven't been in the best of consistent upbeat moods but after hearing that...dude, if I ever think my life sucks again, I'll just think how fortunate I am to not be a guy and have the manhood butched out of me.
I know I said I want to be a nurse but I think I might make a stupid one. So much for self believing right?
Whatevvv.

My eyes hurt. I hope I get lasik eye surgery someday, my eyes are horrible! I was reading a Pregnancy magazine (no I'm not pregnant--for damn sure I'm not. but I was just curious) anyway, yeah I was reading it and it said that women who are pregnant should definitely not have lasik eye surgery. So, I'm thinking I should get it before I graduate college...after I'm 21 though. Yeah maybe.

Ugh. I'm wordless it's frustrating. Nighttt.