Friday night

I've noticed that I don't take care of myself like I used to.
I tire myself out to the point where I half ass my personal maintenance. I'm not talking hygene I'm definitely on top of that! But I mean lifestyle wise. I've adapted a nonchalant look on myself physically and emotionally.
I picked up a bad habit & only half of me wants to quit. The only reason is knowing yeah, its detrimental to my health. The other half...doesn't care. If it isn't obvious enough, I have little internal tantrums. From an outside I know I self destruct with low esteem blows and allowing negativity to marinade in my head.

Best friend says I really need to fix that. Best friends knows best. Sometimes. haha.

Know what I miss?
I kinda miss giving things all I have without being scared.
I'm a pansy. It's so shameful.
I also miss the flirtation that comes in the beginning.We're plateauing. Or maybe I feel this way because we both go to school & work & so we're almost always...just...tired. I miss talking on the phone at night till early morning & having him text later on that we really should start sleeping earlier but even after saying that we'd be doing it again the next night. The texting in general. It's a stupid form of communication but sometimes its all you have during the busy-ness. I liked the texts the next day after hanging out saying he had a great time. The sweet lines that I would outwardly laugh at & not want to believe, but deep down would feel special.
I'm acting like such a vagina right now. Slap me.
It's the hormones I swear. Stupid time of the month.
But maybe it'll get better when I'm not working. Breathing room and more study absorption. Slowing down.
So now I kinda just have to push it. Be patient.

I've started working out but I'm going to try and start boot camping it. Hahaha..We'll see how that goes. I'm disappointed on how I let myself go. But I know I can reach what I want to, it's not impossible, I just need to be patient.
Patient.
I also need to learn to love learning again.