we still-frankie j

crap. i can't find my font types.
anyway.
i love this song...it reminds me of high school nights...for some reason.

i think it is stupid & insecure of me to allow past situations to sting me. especially because it was a past without me. i don't know what went down all that time but i can't help but feeling guilty now. i can't hate her, i don't even know her. & what makes it worst is that i do understand. i know how it is to love someone with all of me. how it is to love someone more. to let them go. it was the most painful ordeal of my life. i can't love the same consequently not to say that i don't love because i do, just it is different this time around. i may lack walls but i'm not blind like i used to. it takes a first love to really see the light. to build tougher skin.

this christmas i'm thankful to have spent it with my family here in japan & with my extended fam back here in japan. i do miss him though & can't help but think what he would say if he was here with me. what he would say in regards to the culture, to the weather, to the food, to the cars, to the roads...just little things. its stupid because i laugh out loud to little thoughts because most of the time i could imagine what he would say.

i'm happy that i learned to love again. its cliche & corny, but i seriously did not think i could have let myself. i learned that in order to learn to love again you have to let go of the heartache that had once convinced you. let the wounds heal & you have to learn to be happy in your own skin. then learning to let someone in, and learning to let yourself love. i can't say that this is it but i can hope & try.

i could have gone out tonight but i'm tired from hakone. i could have gone clubbing in tokyo...but i passed. maybe if i was single or if more ladies were going...hahah. no i'm serious, no point in going if ladies weren't gonna go. & since i'm taken...i'd rather just drink if i was gona be with the guys. but i'm not gonna go all the way to tokyo & do that & spend money i don't have.

i got greys 4th season. i should go watch it soon. i also got an itouch, uggs, nike frees (running shoes...still breakin them in but i went for two miles yesterday & they feel alright), gloves, purse...pretty cool things. black diamonds from the love.. first time i've ever received jewelry from a guy. well, real deal jewelry. hahah...too bad i couldn't have spent it with him & fam but he's there & they're here.

i went on all sorts of tangents hahah. yeah my heads a mess kind of. well i'm going to bum it downstairs. i hope everyone enjoyed their christmas :)