I just watched 17 Again with Geo. Hanging out with him was really a good time. I've never felt more older sisterly, & I realized how much I love it & how much I missed him. It makes me feel sad that he only sees me twice a year..for the next 10 years of his life. I've missed how many of his soccer games, school performances...I hate to think of how much more I'll miss. I wish I saw him compete in his soraban contest. I hate to think of the number of baskets he'll shoot in his future basketball games. I've just realized how much I take the few times I visit home for granted. It's stinging me deep. Family is very important to me. I hope to someday have a family and to raise them as tight as mine right now. I hope to become like my parents (only better...hahah, if that is even possible). I know my parents make some decisions I disagree with, but I still love them with all of me. I hope I can be a better example for my brothers, because I know I've disappointed them with the mistakes I've made. I can only hope they can learn from mine.
As far is my heart is concerned, I'm all good. I've accepted that it'll always be a part of me like the others, but it's something that I'm going to grow from. I'm not hurting anymore. I'm feeling stronger. That doesn't mean I'm going to move on, I'm going to take things like this slowly. Who knows maybe there will be another chance, maybe not. I've just accepted what is.
Good realizations the past few days. The hard way some...but I've learned nonetheless, it's what counts. Doesn't mean I feel life is perfect now, or that I'm certain of how life goes... it's just good at this moment, and I'm grateful for it.
Accepting the little things makes me happy. It's what I should pay attention to. The little things like dollar movie nights with my little brother...my mom leaving reminder post its...running 6 miles home with my dad...and those drives to & from school with Ivan sometimes silent sometimes with good conversation.
It's a good night.
